Ideas for Setting Healthy Boundaries
When was the last time you set a boundary?
No — we aren’t talking about the fence in your backyard or that one time you said “no” to someone trying to recruit you to a pyramid scheme. We’re talking about healthy relationships.
Whether it’s with your friends, your family, your coworkers, your romantic partners, your digital devices or with some of your own behaviors — it is important to understand and communicate your needs. Keeping your boundaries solid takes time and effort. Being honest with yourself and recognizing when a boundary you’ve set isn’t being respected or adhered to might feel tricky, but it’s important to advocate for yourself and address when someone (or something) isn’t supporting a real good day.
Get started on setting more healthy boundaries across your different social spheres with these ideas:
Boundaries with Friends
If you feel like your friends are always coming to you and asking for advice, congrats! You’re probably a great listener. If you feel a bit drained from a lot of emotions coming your way or need more time to yourself to help recharge, it might be helpful to set a couple of boundaries — be clear about your schedule and when you can and can’t catch up. Ignoring a friend that’s reaching out to you might lead to unintended consequences (like hurt feelings or more stress), but it’s important to state how and when you can help them. When a friend leans on you for support, make sure you’re still building in time to take care of yourself.
Boundaries with Family
Family can help build us up in good and bad times, but family members also seem to have a greater ability to push our buttons. Think about different routines or traditions you can establish to build togetherness and dedicated “family” time. Try including your family into activities or hobbies you already enjoy, like hiking, reading or photography. Manage expectations for different gatherings by planning ahead for what the time together might entail. If longer stays with family leads to stress, keep a list handy of some go-to healthy ways to cope, like talking to a trusted friend, exercising or meditating.
Boundaries with Coworkers
Not sure how to tell the difference between work time and down time? If you feel like you’re inching towards burnout, there are resources that can help. Schedule time to communicate what’s on your plate to your manager and ask them to help you set priorities. Set up meetings with your team to discuss the best ways to work together and consider different ways responsibilities might shift. And we know that not every job is the typical 9–5. If you’re expected to be available at wacky times, try out some more creative ways to feel at ease when it works for you, like learning a quick meditation practice or doing a short workout to get the blood flowing. During your shift, consider taking a quick mental microbreak by doing a deep breathing exercise or thinking about a few things you’re looking forward to doing when you have more time to rest. When you are not expected to be at work, focus on enjoying your time off and practicing self-care rather than hitting refresh on your work email to wait for the next tasks.
Boundaries with Romantic Partners
Intimate relationships should have some basic rules or values in place that you share with your partner. We’re not talking about a formal contract, but there should be some work done upfront to help both parties feel at ease. Ask each other: what makes you feel safe? What can I do to support you? How can I best let you know when I need a little space? How often should we communicate? Recognize the signs of stalking and other unhealthy relationship behaviors early on to prevent violence or unsafe situations.
Boundaries with Your Digital Devices
Even if you take a break from binge watching your favorite show, we promise you — it’ll (probably) be there when you return. While we continue to practice physical distancing, it’s easy to sit around and stare at the magical blue light from our screens. Most digital devices have the capability to track how much you’re using them, and it might be helpful to take a peek at your phone’s settings to see how many hours a day you’re plugged in. Try setting screen time reminders on your phone, scheduling time to call friends or getting outside the next time you find yourself scrolling for hours. Your personal laptop, work laptop, phone screen, tablet, smart watch, TV and/or whatever else you have lying around probably needs a break, too. If you’re competitive, challenge yourself (or a friend) to start reducing your screen time each week.
Boundaries with Yourself
Not to get all ~meta~ on you, but setting boundaries with yourself is just another way to look inward and identify experiences that help you versus the ones that don’t. Think of it as a form of self-care — did you really want to spend money on something you don’t need or get takeout five nights in a row? Making small choices to improve your well-being might help distance you from the clutter that might slow you down.
In any healthy relationship, remember: saying “no” is always an option. Respect when someone else says it, too.
