How to Improve Your Communication Savvy
Have you ever received a text from someone and immediately thought: “This person is DEFINITELY mad at me.” (Was that a period they added to the end of the sentence? Why is their reply message shorter than usual? Why didn’t they add at least three emojis?!) On the flip side, have you ever had someone come to you to clarify something you said over text?
All of this is to say — everyone communicates a bit differently though different mediums. The way you talk to your friends on the weekend is probably much different from the way you talk to your coworkers or a manager during the week. Even between friend groups, your words, emojis, and/or topic choices might look different or follow different “rules” — for instance, are there certain threads where you respond more or less immediately than others?
While not every conversation is for spilling your deepest darkest secrets or sharing every daily gripe with others, communicating openly (and honestly) among all of your social circles is a real good strategy. To help keep your conversations healthy for *all* the communicators involved, keep these tips in mind when interacting with others:
Think about the delivery. Confronting someone over text hits different than hashing something out face-to-face. The next time you have a serious conversation, opt for a (safe) IRL meet up or video chat. Verbal and non-verbal cues are also important — you don’t have to have a staring contest, but letting people feel heard and seen is important. Throw in a “mhmm” or a “SO TRUE” or “I get it” or even some nods to help others feel like they aren’t just speaking into the void.
Keep it real — but also kind. Whether you’re battling imposter syndrome or just generally not feeling confident about an upcoming convo, channel some techniques to be more assertive. Consider starting your thoughts with “I” instead of “you,” and prepare what you might say ahead of time. Telling it to someone straight might benefit both parties, especially when you sprinkle in some empathy and compassion.
Let others share the spotlight. We all need space to vent and talk out how we’re feeling (especially during trying times), but in most conversations, it is helpful to try to strike a bit more of a balance. Before venting, consider asking the other person if they’re in a good headspace to receive your thoughts and feelings. In group settings like meetings, keep your monologues limited (we know… you have great ideas!) and let other people in the room get some airtime. Use some active listening tools, like asking follow-up questions or summarizing what someone said. Getting away from the groupthink may also lead to new perspectives. If you’re faced with someone that often is a bit one-sided in their conversation style, pause and find time to discuss how you’d like communicate.
Take a minute before responding. Sometimes when we respond to a text that made us upset or pushed a button, the response includes a lot of emotion. If the response can wait, write out what you want to say then take a minute, go for a walk, or do something else to help yourself cool off. When you come back to your reply, you may be able to soften the response so it comes off more level-headed. Have a trusted colleague or friend read what you’ve drafted to help get a sense for how your message may be interpreted.
Bottling up your emotions or thoughts may lead to more internal angst, and speaking up is key when setting boundaries, deescalating tension and getting help when you need it. And remember, you’ve got this!!! And our three exclamation points are meant to communicate and emphasize our support. 😉
